D3 body, D1 cock
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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