You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
