apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
