This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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