we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
