I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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