I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
