yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
