I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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