I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
