sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
