omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They have beer where we have blood.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
