It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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