is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
