Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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