is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
