If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
