How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
