At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
