clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
