You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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