i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
