in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
