Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize