come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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