I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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