I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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