o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
