i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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