Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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