Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
