yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
