fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
