I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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