What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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