Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
