Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
