I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize