Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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