he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
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i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
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jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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