can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
