WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
