Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
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Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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