i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
