If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
