I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
