Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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