I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
