I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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