Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
