i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just had sex bonerless
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize