Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
