I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
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My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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