just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
