yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm bleeding and have questions
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
