theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize