M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
