Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
