My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Even my vagina gasped.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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