hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
