I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
